Far too long have we lived under the illusion that overzealous pool floats are for the rich and famous.
Sure, T. Swift created the massive pool float trend circa summer 2k16 and since then, every celeb from RiRi to Vanessa Hudgens to the Biebs has found themselves afloat a glorified, 3-millimeter-thick vinyl pool toy.
Starting today, it's our turn to make love on water.
Lavish Pool Floats For Average Joes
There are two types of people in this world...
Those who pee in the pool and liars.
That fact begs the age-old question: Is there a difference between peeing in the pool or peeing into the pool? Yes. One's asking for a felony and the other's a mutual, unspoken source of warm relief.
Pool floats aren't just for infinity pools and LA cabana clubs. They're for crossing roadside creeks that double as irrigation ditches, seeking safety from floods, and lounging lazily in your trailer park's communal above-ground pool.
Anybody can hop on with a champagne flute, snap a pic for IG, and say they clocked some time atop a giant float.
However, a 2nd-degree sunburn from four SPF-less hours spent unconscious on a float of the continental United States is what separates the true enthusiast from those who sip on half-and-half mimosas.
We know what you're thinking: "What am I going to do for the next 15 minutes while I waitfor this chili-dog and 7-layer bean dip to digest?"
That donut is all that stands between you from the immediate gratification your body so deeply desires. No fifteen-minute waiting period required. Plop your butt in it, push some bubbles out, and enjoy the relief your body needs, without fear of a life-ending cramp.
Snatch It & Shine On