What Is Ball Hammock® Pouch Underwear? We Are Here To Set The Record Straight
Ultra soft Ball Hammock Pouch® underwear provides unmatched comfort by giving extra space and support for your boys. A built-in pouch made of MicroModal fabric keeps your balls exactly where they should be and stops them from trying to escape down your leg or via your taint. Simply put, Ball Hammock underwear is the best thing since sliced bread, assuming you’ve been putting a piece of bread in your underwear to give your balls something soft to rest on.
- What is men’s pouch underwear?
- How do you use pouch underwear?
- What makes Ball Hammocks the best men’s pouch underwear?
- Features that set Ball Hammocks apart
- Company Guarantee
What is men’s pouch underwear?
Men’s pouch underwear is boxers with an extra piece of fabric for your balls to sit in. The pouch offers a spacious, supportive place where your balls can be themselves without any judgment. Think of the Ball Hammock pouch like having Ted Lasso in your pants, offering encouragement to your balls anytime they’re feeling low.
How do you use pouch underwear?
Your first time using pouch underwear can be scary, so take it slow. First, make sure you’re naked. Otherwise you’ll wind up with your underwear over your pants like a Superman Halloween costume. Next, and this is the most critical part, put your legs through the holes, NOT YOUR ARMS. We’ve seen it a thousand times.
Raise the underwear up your legs, stopping only when you feel the MicroModal fabric caress your taint and cup the balls. A rookie mistake is pulling the underwear up to your knees and then stopping. You must persevere!
What makes Ball Hammocks the best men’s pouch underwear?
You’re never gonna find a better pair of underwear than Shinesty’s Ball Hammock pouch underwear. Seriously, don’t even bother looking. Spend that extra time with your loved ones. If you’ve ever tried men’s pouch underwear then you already know there’s no going back. The comfort. The support. The really really incredibly good looking designs. The not-popping-your-gonads when you sit down.
Remember: The only place to buy Ball Hammock underwear is from Shinesty. Any other companies selling a similar sounding product are merely pedaling knock-offs. And do you really want an inferior product touching your superior product (your penis.)
Features that set Ball Hammocks apart
Ball Hammock underwear is loaded with features: The pouch provides all-day comfort and support.
- 4-way stretch MicroModal fabric is 3x softer than cotton and feels like you’re wearing nothing at all, so be sure to double check you’ve actually put them on.
- MicroModal fabric is also moisture wicking and provides all day breathability. Honestly, there’s very little this fabric CAN’T do.
- No-itch flatlock stitching means you’ll never get caught scratching
- Again, the pouch
- Anti-bunching construction with a gusseted crotch provides an increased range of motion with a decreased risk of wedgies
- Available in 6” or 8.5” inseam, ensuring the perfect fit for any occasion
- Machine washable, so please wash them guys. For all our sakes.
- Did we mention the pouch?
Ultra soft MicroModal material
If you’re wearing cotton underwear, you might as well be taking a belt sander to your scrotum. That’s why Ball Hammock underwear is made of soft, comfortable MicroModal fabric that’s 3 times softer than cotton. Our scientists wanted to settle for 2 times softer than cotton, so we took their families away until they were able to get up to 3 times softer.
MicroModal is a luxurious type of modal rayon fabric similar to linen and silk, but it’s much easier to care for. This semi-synthetic fiber is made from the pulp of beech trees. Like bamboo, beech trees are a self-seeding plant that makes MicroModal a renewable, sustainable product. It’s pretty much the nicest fabric you can make underwear out of. TRY AND COME UP WITH A BETTER MATERIAL, A-HOLES. WE DARE YOU.
If these aren’t the comfiest underwear you’ve ever worn, then we’re sorry to say this, but you’re a liar. If you think you’ve tried something more comfortable it must’ve been in a dream. Think carefully: were your teeth falling out at the time? We thought so. That was a dream. The good news is, whatever the reason, if you don’t love your first pair, they’re free. On the flip side, if you DO love your first pair, please buy more. We’re trying to run a business here.
Ball Hammock boxer briefs lift your testicles away from your taint. Your balls will thank you, and so will your taint, who frankly is tired of putting up with those 2 unwanted house guests crashing there. And you can say goodbye to the days of bruised thighs caused by your balls slapping against them for hours on end.
And men’s underwear with a pouch doesn’t just benefit your balls. Pushing them up also pushes up something else…(your fleshy front-tail). Your bulge will look so big that grocery store employees will regularly detain you in the parking lot for shoplifting honeydew.
Moisture Wicking Technology
Ball sweat. There, we said it. No one likes it, and until now there have been very few ways to prevent it. Thankfully, Ball Hammock underwear is made with naturally moisture wicking material designed to repel sweat by drawing perspiration off your skin, passing it through the breathable fabric, and allowing it to evaporate into the air. Or in layman’s terms, “Yo, that fabric’s straight magic, son!” Plus, you might not even sweat at all thanks to the peace of mind that comes from knowing your underwear is made using sustainable, renewable resources.
Whether you’re crushing an intense workout or having one-on-one conversation with your father-in-law, Ball Hammock underwear will keep you as dry as beef jerky. And we’re talking about the good kind that’s tough as boot leather and not that soggy, squishy gas station jerky that tastes like wet rubber.
MicroModal production starts with the pulp of beech trees, a renewable resource. The fibers undergo extensive processing to ensure the fabric is lightweight and stretchy, using a weave specially designed to provide breathability. It’s like wearing underwear made from a silky spider web, but the spider already moved out a while back so there’s no chance of it biting your junk.
You love to breathe. You’re probably doing it right now. Well your balls love to breathe too, and nature hasn’t made it easy for them. How would you like it if you had to spend your entire life breathing the air right next to your butthole? Ball Hammock underwear’s MicroModal fabric offers such enhanced breathability that your lungs will get jealous.
Live every minute of the day like the 10 seconds where you put your balls over the air conditioning vent when your wife leaves the room. And the increased air circulation will prevent unwanted odors, which will hopefully lead to more blood circulation down there.
You know how sometimes you wished you had a smaller looking package? Yea, we didn’t think so. Skip the bunched up tube sock and experience the best men’s underwear for your bulge. But don’t start bragging. Just let your bulge do the talking. It’s like how the cool kid in school doesn’t need to remind people they’re cool. Also, congratulations, you’re about to be the coolest kid in school.
Your bulge is gonna be so big you’ll have to buy pants a size up. We can’t help you with that. It’s just an expense you’re gonna have to deal with. You wished for a bigger bulge and we delivered. But like a genie, there’s always a catch. And in this case, it’s needing a new wardrobe to show off Mount Dong.
4 Way Stretch
As you’re being active throughout the day, underwear should move with your body, not UP your body. Ball Hammock pouch underwear is made of stretchy MicroModal fabric that knows when to be flexible and when to stay put. Plumbers rejoice. You can finally bend over without hearing a horrified gasp coming from the person standing behind you.
Ball Hammock pouch underwear is so stretchy and comfortable, you’ll barely feel it. In fact, we’ve had dozens of serial killers claim Ball Hammock pouch underwear feels just like wearing human skin. We’ll take your word for it, guys! No matter your activity level, these underwear are designed to maximize your comfort.
Our men’s Ball Hammock Pouch underwear is like a fine steak. We’ll prepare it any way you like. Long leg, with or without fly, extra cooling, subscription, couples matching, even X-Rated. You name it, and as long as it’s one of the styles we just mentioned, you got it. With over “a shitload” of prints to choose from, you’ll always have the perfect pair for the perfect occasion. In fact, you should probably get a monthly underwear subscription so you’ll always have a fresh pair handy.
We’re so confident this underwear will change your life that if you aren’t completely satisfied they’re free. Good luck getting your money back from other companies. You’ll be screaming “Representative!” into the phone for hours while wearing inferior underwear. Ball Hammock pouch underwear is 100% free if you don’t love it. On the other hand, if you do love it, please pay us. We have families.