Sunglasses help stoned teens hide in plain sight from watchful adults. They also block out harmful UV rays. But, Clint at Sunglass Hut could've told you that.
It takes a real chameleon to harness the true potential of sunglasses in life's most critical make-or-break moments:
Eyes are windows into the soul. A soul that, if left uncovered, might reveal you just hit the 78-day mark of a dry spell.
Instead, bottle up that dirty secret and lock eyes with your prospect, librarian-style. A quick wink says you're ready for a ride without exposing your deep-seated sexual frustrations.
"But I thought I looked more like Idris Elba" is not what you tell the girl who just coaxed you back to her place under the guise of a Matrix / Morpheus thing she "needs to show you."
You put on the tinted glasses, let her turn up the soundtrack, and do as you're told.
16 seconds is incredible...for a NASCAR pit crew to refuel a car and change all 4 tires.
No one needs to know you didn't hit your 30 second goal. Sheets with some sunglasses isfrankly the fastest way to move on.
Three hours is nothing to panic about. The Alamo didn't go down easily either.
Sunglasses, especially those with visors, exude an air of certainty that not every "little" mishap requires pressing the panic button.
4 hours is a really long time.
Every great general knows when to surrender...and sometimes that's when you're faced with the possibility of losing your favorite extremity.
If/when you do surrender, keep a pair of sunglasses handy to rip from your face. Anything you say next will pack twice the punch.
Stay Weird & Shade On