The Best Christmas Clothes on the Web: Ugly Christmas Suits, Dresses, & Underwear
Let me set the scene this Christmas season, folks. You're pouring another glass ...of nog, gingerly fortifying it with a healthy long-pour of your favorite brandy, and then throwing an extra log or two or ten on the fire. There's no half-assing Christmas and there's no half-assing your Christmas outfits either. No sense in showing up to the office holiday party in your moth-ball-covered thrift store Christmas sweater, when Grant from accounting is rocking one of our outrageous Christmas outfits and will for sure pull more tail than you. So check out the best Christmas apparel on the web, which we packed full of ugly Christmas sweaters, ugly Christmas sweater suits, ugly Christmas blazers, ugly Christmas dresses, ugly Hanukkah sweaters and suits, and more of the holiday spirit. Now let's get weird & wild in some Shinesty Christmas clothes this holiday season.
Christmas Clothes and Holiday Outfits for Men & Women
Ah, the Christmas holiday season. There's the never ending list of gifts to buy, the incessant bell ringing in virtually every parking lot in America, and all the festive holiday outfits we wear in order to demonstrate our forced overabundance of seasonal cheer. But who doesn't totally love getting all dressed up in some wholesome, traditional green and red Christmas outfits and then traveling for hours through miserable weather and even more miserable holiday traffic to a distant relative's house so we can disappoint the ones we love most while repeatedly answering the same three questions and snacking on questionable-looking room temperature foods? No one. No one totally loves that, because that sounds worse than awful.
Take the joy of the holidays back into your own hands when you show up in style this Christmas in a matching set of outrageous retro men's and women's Christmas clothes. While the rest of your extended family is getting unreasonably hyped up about their 14th annual ugly Christmas sweater contest, make your grand entrance wearing Christmas outfits so tacky, yet formal they'll still be talking about them next year. After the stunned silence gives way to laughter followed by a slow clap that will probably turn into a standing ovation, you can take your rightful seat at the head of the dinner table, where the food is still piping hot and the conversation is nothing but compliments. As the reigning king or queen of Christmas, you and your amazing Christmas clothes will be at the center of every family picture and even more popular with the kids than your drunk uncle Bob in a Santa costume. In fact, the only thing that screams "Merry Christmas" louder than these funny holiday outfits are the rusty springs on your great aunt's foldout couch, but they're packed with so much Christmas cheer, it's absolutely worth your well-deserved spot on the naughty list.
Christmas Outfits for All your Holiday Happenings
Santa might be known for wearing the same exact Christmas outfit every time he makes a public appearance, but it's considered best practice for the rest of us to change our clothes once in a while. And, since the socially acceptable date range to celebrate Christmas basically spans from Halloween all the way to Presidents Day, most of us are going to need a few different holiday outfits to get us through the Most Wonderful Time of the Year unless you want to pull a Santa and wear the same red and green suit to all your obligatory holiday events.
First, there's the annual office Christmas party, which always promises a good time but invariably turns out to be little more than a sea of tacky sweaters and hors d'oeuvres. Break the mold and turn up the fun meter when your whole department shows up in men's and women's Christmas outfits so funny you'll all be promoted on the spot.
Coming up next is the excruciating experience of sitting through the never-ending Christmas church service you promised to attend with your mom. Make it a little more tolerable when your year's worth of sins are effectively concealed by a formal suit or dress so magnificent it could only be rivaled by swaddling clothes and an actual halo.
Save your most outrageous Christmas outfits for the adults-only dirty Santa gift exchange, held every year at your rowdy neighbor's house. Your tacky retro holiday suit or funny Christmas dress will earn you a spin at the dj booth, where you can rum pum pum pump up the holiday jams harder than the little drummer boy and have everyone rocking around the Christmas tree all night long.