THE UHHMERIKAS | USA PIT VIPER SUNGLASSES

Introducing The Eye Condoms, er... The Uhhmerikas. The only polarized USA sunglasses that are 99.9% effective in protecting against eye contact. Which is great because eye contact is weird.

Right now, some of you are probably thinking, but wait... "The eyes are the window to ones' soul." Yeah, exactly. If that doesn't scare the shit out of you then you, my friend, are a sociopath. You probably pour your milk before your cereal. Not just any cereal, though... Raisin Brand. Case in point, why you need these ANSI Z87 certified sunglasses.