The Corkscrew Casanova
Long Sleeve Stretch Button Down
I recently learned the disturbingly fascinating fact that ducks have impossibly long, corkscrew-shaped penises, and now it's all I can think about when I see ducks. Never again will I be able to feed these horrifying creatures my leftover avocado toast or watch reruns of Duck Tails without feeling just a little uncomfortable...unless I'm wearing this stretch flannel button-down shirt. That kind of comfort could never be thwarted, even with visions of barbed, spiral avian wangs that can't be unseen.