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VALENTINE'S DAY LOVE LETTER SERVICE *TIL NEXT YEAR*



*I've taken enough business classes to know about supply and demand. Our Demand is too high to where we can barely supply. Plus, I only blocked out one day to write a few notes, not hundreds of them. Thus, we're jacking the price up.
 Written by yours truly, because it's the thought that counts. You may not be a wordsmith, but we can whip up what many call a didactic Illiad of a Valentine's Day love letter. 
This is for singles, those in committed relationships, and polygamists around the globe. There are over 180 million cards exchanged on Valentine's Day, and we don't just want to be the only card you give, we want to be the best. Here's how it works:
 
Step 1:
Choose a rating for your letter: 

PG: This will be similar to the love story of Squintz and Wendy Peffercorn in The Sandlot. We'll hint at love-making, but if this were a sex position, it'd be the missionary.
 
PG-13: This is hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thang. This level of raunchiness is the nip slip in The Titanic
 
R: We can be blatantly dirty, or subtly savage in a romantic way. This could be the apple pie scene in American Pie or the steamy shower scene in Kentucky Fried Movie. 
 
NC-17: You will have to be age verified for this. Our in-house Butt Snorkeler is writing these and we can't tame him. This is the uncut sex scene in Team America World Police.
 
Step 2: 
To: and From: needs to be left in the special comments section at check out.
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