A wise man once told us that you can never trust a man who doesn't carry around a beer opener. This wise man smelled of Ice House Lager and had a red glaze in his eyes that meant business. He was knuckles-deep in an ice-cold barley pop when he gave us the advice. He told us a man who doesn't carry one around is probably a paleo, gluten-free schmuck whose spirit animal is that of a house cat.
I never left the house without one again.