DON'T BE A DICK | BLAZE ORANGE BEANIE

It was my 26th birthday when Dick Cheney accidentally shot that guy during the infamous, ill-fated Texas Quail Hunt of '06. Just like Dickie C., I was lost in the throes of a good time, exhibiting a certain disregard for safety and consuming substances I would later choose not to report, but one of us had a markedly better day than the other. (It was me.)

If you're like me and prefer getting blasted with birthday day-drinking over getting blasted with errant shot pellets, put your safety first with this bright orange beanie. It will keep you from being mistaken as a hunting trophy, and emblazoned with the words "DICK CHENEY" it's a not-so-subtle reminder to the other members of your party that if you're not gonna be on your game, you're probably gonna be on the news.