The Time We Threw an American Flag Pants Party.
Ain’t no party like a patriotic pants party cause a pants party don’t stop. No, seriously, it's been going on for days and I’m a little concerned for my health. My caloric intake has comprised of jungle juice and a bag of stale pretzel rods that I found underneath the couch. Some have asked, “Why don’t you just leave?” Well, I didn’t know when I threw this American flag pants party that it would last this long and I lost my wallet on day one. I should have put my wallet in my patriotic pants, but, no, that would have made too much sense. I think it was actually the third item in the slingshot we made. It soared through the air like a comet in the night. If someone finds a wallet with a mustache on it with the quote, “Two tickets to paradise,” let me know.
Patriotism in February? Absolutely, American Flag Pants are for All Occasions.
This whole endeavor started because someone was wearing patriotic leggings. Shocked by their impressive nature, the immediate thought, “Hmm, why not have a themed party and we could rock the hell out of these.” My roommates chastised me for this idea, stating that, “Anyone who throws a patriotic pants party in February is going through seasonal confusion.” Was I seasonally confused? Probably. Would I change my decision? Absolutely not. American flag pants are for every occasion and every season. So, we sounded the alarm and told the gang to strap in. There was a plethora of pants: USA leggings, red, white and blue pants, enough stars and bars to make you see eagles. It was a glorious sight, still is, actually. This party’s got no signs of stopping and, honestly, I couldn’t be happier.
The Patriotic Pants Party Round-up.
(Three months later) So, the party did inevitably come to an end. We got a litany of noise violations and actually had to call on the local police to help out. Turns out, a few members of the force found some patriotic pants joined the shindig. I was shocked to find out I’d been shotgunning beers with a guy who gave me a misdemeanor one year prior, I knew he looked familiar. Regardless, these pants and leggings showed me what a good time really looks like. I owe these American flag pants a huge favor, they’ve solidified my place in undergraduate history forever.
Thank you, America.