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Shinesty: The MTV Series You Shouldn't Watch

Dear Mom,
 
I wanted to tell you first. It's bad. We made a TV show. It gets worse... it's a "reality" TV show. No, it's not the Bachelor. It's not Survivor. And it's definitely not Big Brother. 
It's called Shinesty on MTV2 and whatever you do, DO NOT WATCH THE SHOW.
Remember that time where I thought I'd struck gold and wired our savings to that Nigerian prince? 
 
Yeah, that was a happy little mistake compared to what's about to be broadcasted to the entire continental US.
 
I went in thinking this would be my big break - that I'd be the next Uncle Si. But I fear I'll be portrayed as the second coming of Snooki. While my dipstick stayed dirty, my intentions were pure - just like you raised me. 

 

If the show portrays me as anything other than the golden child you raised, I can't let you be collateral damage for the mistakes I've made, so we'll skip town. I've seen Taken 1, 2 & 3 so I went ahead and whipped up a solid contingency plan for when the show airs on Thursday, July 20th at 8 PM EST:

 
1) We'll black out the local cable within a ten-mile radius. 
2) I'll connect us with my passport guy who can crank out some fake aliases quicker than that Nigerian prince drained our savings account.
 
However, there is some good to come. This is rock bottom and it can only go up from here. But, in order for the good to come, you can't watch the show.
 
I love you, Mom, and I urge you to share this email with everyone you're close to who watches cable (which, conveniently for me is no one under 35). Here's a sneak peek of what's to come:
Love, your little B-Man, Benjamin.
P.S.- Tell Dad his seed is gonna be a fuggin' star.

Stay Weird & Cancel Cable

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