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A Lady Called These Suits, "The Most Repulsive Thing I've Seen"

There are two types of people in this world: those who spend three weeks making a costume from flour, dirt, and silk, and those who pay exorbitant amounts for expedited shipping 2-days before the party. 

We ran the scenarios and found that ordering your Halloween outfit a month early is the best option for the proactive procrastinators. 
                                                                                         
Halloween Costumes For The Efficient
Everyone starts the Halloween season with high hopes of creating the Sistine Chapel of costumes. But, let's be real. You're not the "Do-It-Yourself" type because you're reading this email and not watching "Flip or Flop" on HGTV. 
 

Costume stores bombard towns like The Ringling Brothers did cities. They're just loopholes for landlords to make a quick buck on vacant lots. Yesterday it was Vitamin Cottage and today it's Spirit Halloween.

Our domain name is paid for through 2027 - so you know who to go to for returns. 

 

I Ordered Sperms, Not Ghosts 

Nothing spotlights your love life quite like a couples matching spiderweb suit and dress.

Best accessorized with three years of pent up resentment and passive aggressive bedroom cues.  

A Couple That Dresses Together Begrudgingly Stays Together 

Thinking of renting a costume? GTFO. Rental contracts at Halloween stores are written by Horocruxing gypsies who think spilled beer on a banana costume requires taking out a mortgage on the house.

Rent To Own This Suit For 1 Payment of $99

 

                                                                                                       

Suits Not Your Thing?

 

We've Got Foam Bananas, Sharks, Eggplants, Sloths...

Of Course, They Are Foam-Fitting.

 

                                                                                                   

Or whatever don't buy your Halloween costume from us...I'm sure He won't care. 

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