Tomorrow's the big day and we know half of you haven't done jack to prepare. It's too late to buy from us, so here are some DIY ideas we're alley-ooping to you and our mass market friends at: Goodwill, Target, Wal-Mart, & Jo-Anns.
This pair simply requires you shop your local Siamese twin clothier and split one of Hulk Hogan's old warmup tanks down the middle.
Nature calls? No problem.
You, your two other equally lazy friends, and a gurney stand to be the most envied and reviled peeps at the party.
Take that back. This kid's parents will be the most reviled peeps at the party. Sure, it's a little risqué for you (or your son) to go as a mass murderer and prolific drug smuggling kingpin, but since Narcos is the new Breaking Bad, we're gonna forego being PC and hop on the pop-culture pain train.
"To love yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance" - Flavor Flav.
A.k.a. The 'Salad Night at Joan's House.'