Treat Yo'self On Tax Day:
1) Get Some Rolled Gold (Not Pretzels) - 24K Rolling Papers
$55 for 12
2) Send A Box Of Exotic Doo Doo
$15.95-$49.95 *depending on animal*
Department of the Treasury
Internal Revenue Service Center
Austin, TX 73301-0215
USA*Do not send to our HQ. We have enough dogs around here to start our own service.*
3) Be About That Thug Knife
This is the Gordon Ramsey of cookbooks...
"How the f*ck is Nature’s Valley still putting crumbs in bags and selling them as breakfast bars? Sh!t is disrespectful and a dry sponge would taste better than those crumb catastrophes." - Thug Kitchen
4) Walk Alone Metal Detector Sandals
You will never get laid again, but nothing fills the void of love like collecting old wedding rings, keys to a 1999 Geo Tracker, and the occasional gold tooth.
5) Blast Cash From This Cannon
$59.99 + $100 in Singles
Load, point, shoot, and watch from a distance to see how quickly those hard-earned Washingtons can pay someone's rent.
6) Ride The Sumo Tube
Nothing quite like hot, nasty speed to bring in Summer. Ideally, you drive the boat while your friends get dragged behind and swallow half of Lake Powell.
Or Blow It On Us...
...so we don't end up in a van down by the river attending Monday night soup kitchens with Dirty Mike & The Boyz