Our beautiful creators, those saints among women who fearlessly sprouted us into the world have a special day on the horizon filled with extravagant Hallmark cards, bouquets of flowers, and endless Mother's Day celebrations.
Don't Forget the Facts
Our moms took a nine-month hiatus from wine spritzers and chardonnays to ensure we came out hitting the ground running. If your moms are anything like ours, the traditional decadence of breakfast in bed better include some hunch punch that pays homage to the pain and suffering endured while releasing your watermelon head into this world.
The Colt 45 Cornerstones of Mother's Day
1. Traditional Mimosa
The mimosa is no stranger to pre-noon drinking. It's as essential to brunch as turkeys are to Thanksgiving. I'm a firm believer in the 90:10 ratio. That's 90 percent horsepower, 10 percent O.J.
2. The Wake-Up Call
There's no denying moms love a good morning coffee. Well, on Mother's Day there's no harm in poppin' top and spiking the morning cup of joe.
2 oz. Vodka
1 oz. Coffee
1/2 oz. Triple Sec
1 oz. Milk
A couple coffee bean pellets according to this picture.
3. Ryan Gosling Pancakes
What better way to show your appreciation to mom than rectifying Ryan Gosling himself onto the very pancakes she's about to eat.
Highly Skilled Pancake Artisan
Blueberries for the eyes
Bourbon Maple Syrup
Your mother is a sailor if bourbon maple syrup is what she wants. Just toss a little maple syrup in the microwave for 30 secs, add bourbon, and BOOM... pandora's box is open for business.
.5 cup of maple syrup (the real shit, like from Vermont)
1.5 tablespoons of bourbon (Buffalo Trace will never do you wrong)
Ryan Gosling pancakes
5. Bacon and Habanero Infused Vodka Shooters
This is for the moms who tend to run a tight ship around the household and need a metaphorical fire to get them going in the morning.
6 strips of bacon
3 Habanero chili peppers
2 Serano chili peppers
1 bottle of vodka (Not that Burnette's shit)