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The Shiner

Easy Couples Costumes (a.k.a. How to be the Bey and Jay of the Party)

Zombie Couples Halloween Costume


Let's face it. You don't have a costume. Your significant other doesn't have a costume. Unless you intervene, that significant other will likely go as either a creepy clown or Ken Bone, and your sex life can't take a hit like that. 


I hope Jezebel can forgive me (luv yaz, 4 realz), but it's about to get real heteronormative up in here.


Let Shinesty usher you to the sweet spot of Halloween coupledom: suits and dresses. You'll look hot, but not too hot. He'll look dapper in a way that only occurs when a man is wearing a European-cut suit. You'll be 0.06% more likely to fellate him because of this, so it's a win-win for everyone. 



Bloody Murder

Bloody American Psycho Couples Halloween Costume


For her: Bloody Sunday Dress. Add some heels, a red lip, and a fake knife. Bonus: No one will see the red wine spills.


For him: Shower. Put on this suit.



Walking Into Spiderwebs

Spiderwebs Couples Halloween Costume



For her: The Spiderwebs Dress. See our previous advice on what to do to complete the look, like drawing a spiderweb on your face, wearing a witch hat, or using fake blood/lipstick to get that vampy look.


For him: Consider shaving. Eat a hearty meal so you can drink with the reckless abandon of a freshman pledge who just convinced his parents that fraternities are all about networking opportunities. Put on the My Spidey Sense Is Tingling Suit. Let her apply costume makeup to your face if she desires. Please. Just this once.




Zombie Walking Dead Person Couples Halloween Costume



For her: The Gunshot Dress. Add some dead-looking makeup. Maybe get some fake blood on your face. 


For him: The Band-Aids Don't Fix Bulletholes Suit. Add deodorant. Consider the relative pros and cons of hair product. 



Money Can Buy Me Love 

Money Dollar Bills Couples Halloween Costume


For her: The Bish Better Have My Money Dress. Look expensive. Oh wait, you already do. *Hair flip*


For him: The C.R.E.A.M. Suit. Try to look expensive without looking like her pimp. 


There are some problems only relationship counseling can solve. For everything else, there's Shinesty.

The Everyday (Broke) Girl's Guide to Halloween

Because friends don't let friends be sexy cats.


Women's Spiderweb Halloween Costume Dresses


We get it. We all see beauty bloggers with insane Halloween makeup and outfits they’ve clearly been planning for months. Unfortunately, the majority of us don’t even have enough time for a good Netflix binge, let alone to plan ahead for Halloween...or to wield liquid liner like we’re the Michelangelo of makeup. And we don’t just get free stuff for being Insta-famous (...yet).


The Shinesty team has you covered this year with stupid-easy tips, tricks, and treats to get you outfitted for Halloween quickly, easily, and most importantly...cheaply. With versatile, comfy Shinesty Halloween dresses all under $35, accessories already in your closet, and makeup you already have...you’ll be good to go on the low-low. Save your money for late-night pizza.


Step 1: Choose Your Base Look

Women's Halloween Costume Dresses, Blood Dress, Zombie Dress, Spider Witch Dress


We’ve selected three super-comfy skater dresses to choose from for an easy, cute-but-not-trashy costume! Decide on your mood. Bloody, dead, or witchy.  


Step 2: Use What You’ve Got

After you’ve got your base look, check your closet for everyday items that will go with anything, like black tights, black leather jacket, black shoes/boots, black hats. All black everything. (I mean, have you ever had a good night without listening to Rihanna or Jay-Z first?)



Carrie, The Original Scream Queen

Bloody Carrie Horror Movie Dress


Pair our Bloody Sunday Halloween Dress with:

- Flowers
- Tiara
- Bright pink lipstick
- A smattering of fake blood (or lipstick) on your face
- Black heels




Zombie Gunshot Halloween Costume, Men's Halloween Suit and Women's Halloween Dress


Pair our Gunshot Dress with:

- Black tights
- Heels
- A funky shrug
- Dark oxblood lip
- Layered white and black makeup
- Murderous expression
- Bonus: force your zom-bae to get matchy-matchy in a coordinating suit (let's be real, he doesn't have a costume yet anyway)



 The Spiderwebs Dress (One dress, three ways)

Women's Vampire, Witch, and Spider Halloween Dress Costumes

(Left to right)


The Vamp:
- Smoky eye
- Dark red lipstick (for blood + lip)
- Black booties
- A hankering for blood


The Modern Witch:
- Classic red lip
- Cat eye
- Choker
- Any wide-brimmed black hat
- Leather jacket
- Black boots




Spiderweb Halloween Makeup easy fast cheap black eyeliner tutorial step by step

- Using a credit card or ruler, make a simple spider web design with black eyeliner.
- Pair with funky fake lashes (we got our spidey ones from Target on the cheap) and black liner.
- Wear with leather booties, lace tights, and a bold lip.



And there ya have it. Five looks for less than the cost of a large pizza and a box of wine. 


A Degenerates Guide To Getting Ejected From An MLB Game

Baseball is here. 

But are you ready for the regular season as a rowdy sports fan? Are you ready for the games and grueling challenge of slugging back as many overpriced beers as possible? Anyone who answers, “Yes” might want to read this guide. Take notes, and if you want to stay all nine innings don’t do anything I recommend, because theses tips right here are a sure way for any degenerate to get ejected from an MLB game. How do I know? Well I’ve seen them all work…

1) Pregame

It takes a combination of factors to get drunk at an MLB game without the help of pregaming. You’ll need an absurd amount of cash to afford any decent amount of $8 beers and $12 cocktails, a good relationship with the beer guy, an all inclusive ticket, or be willing to miss at least one full inning waiting in line. Personally I have none of these, so a solid pregame is the only option. Show up early and head to any close stadium bars, and if you’re not driving have a road soda or two. Just be sure to throw back as many as you can because it’ll still be cheaper than anything in the stadium. This is also your first shot to getting ejected from the game. If you go hard enough this early you may be ejected before even getting in. I got to witness this beautiful disaster first hand because it happened to a friend of mine. He thought that trying to sweet talk the girl checking tickets was not only a great idea, as he slurred his speech and nearly fell over, but that he actually had a shot. He never made it past the gate or got her number but he was the real MVP that day.

2) Stand Out

Hammered guy at a baseball game, no big deal. Hammered guy at a baseball game in nothing but a speedo… game changer. You may make it on the Jumbotron once, but keep up the four-beer per inning pace and you may make an escorted appearance to the parking lot.

3) Sit Near the Opposing Team
If it’s a home game try to snag a seat near the away bench or opposing team’s bullpen. Odds are you’ll have some die hard fan in your group that’s been waiting for the chance to heckle the shit out of any unlucky bastard with an opposing uniform within earshot. Just make sure that they’re a raging asshole with no situational awareness, or drunk enough to act like a raging asshole with no situational awareness. Either way this guy will get the boot for eventually stringing out a rant of almost Shakespearean profanity that I’m not sure if I can be even legally allowed to type. How do I know? My buddy… let’s call him, “Sea-bass” is how I know.

4) Start a Fight
If you can’t heckle the opposing players, sometimes you’ll just have to heckle the fans.

5) Fall Asleep

The pregame and beers may have taken a toll on you, not to mention you were on a bender the night before. All of these factors have lead to one thing… losing steam. You’ve reached a point in the low scoring game where you just fade out and drift peacefully into a slumber in the middle of the third inning only to be woken up in the bottom of the sixth by an officer asking you to leave. How do I know this tame approach will work? Well, it happened to me.

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