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The Shiner

Spread Eagle Ski Bibs Have Landed

Spread Eagle Ski Bibs Have Landed...

Skiing naked is a felony, fart bags seal in flavors, and ski pants send snow down your royal back-gorge.

When technical features and fashion made sweet love in the communal hot tub, these bibs were born

They'll Make You a Better Skier

 

These 70s-inspired bibs pair best with a full bush and fresh  dumpings.

Put One On, Grow One Out

 

Poles are for strippers and cross-country skiers. Hot doggin' is an art form. 
If Mel Gibson in The Patriot Skied
He'd Look Like That
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Shit That Matters

AKA "Tech Specs"

If you're the type who loves being cold and wet, then you won't like the 8 other waterproof seam-sealed zippers either.

..because there are places where snow shouldn't go.
Especially Boots & Bungholes

They're 75% the quality of Arc'teryx, but 50% of the price. Watch that schnapps you spilled slide off like butter across a hot skillet.

The best part of skiing used to be taking your boots off. Now it's feeling brisk mountain air gingerly grace your grundel.

Give Me That Sweet Relief
  

...you'll thank us once you've had a belly full of beer and all-you-can-eat Nature Valley bars.

It's safety meeting approved and just about the only feature we got to first that Arc'teryx didn't include in their $575 price tag. 
Fits Three Beers & 10 Jeffreys
    

Never Give Up & Shine On

Jerseys are overpriced...

The NFL Playoffs Are Here
It's the end of the season, and we're doing a sale on NFL blazers. MOST teams are getting 25% off, except those listed below that deserve special recognition. 
Shop The "Normal" Teams Here
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Buffalo Bills
That "toy" thrown on the field costs $9.99  (NSFW) on Amazon.com, so, it's fitting to reduce the blazer by 9.99%
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New England Patriots

It's 12.5%-13% because that's the amount of PSI that is supposed to be in a fully inflated football. You're probably going to win the Super Bowl, so we had to get one dig in. 
No Air Needed

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Kansas City Chiefs

We're Denver Broncos fans who are still bitter about the Chiefs keeping us from the playoffs. For that, blazers go up in price. No negotiating.

My Team's Worth Top Dollar

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Green Bay Packers

This has nothing to do with the Packers but the way-less-cool Rodgers brother beat 25 other contestants to win the Bachelorette this year.

Who Really Wears the Belt?

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Cleveland Browns

You all finished 1-15 and need a pick-me-up. So, we're giving these to you. At least you have a free blazer and the first pick of the 2017 Draft. Just pay for shipping.

You Won't Need a Bag Anymore

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Pittsburgh Steelers 

We saw this fitting as Ike Taylor runs an NFL.com show called "Ike's Sexiest Plays of the Week" and subtlely throws a few dirty jokes in there.

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Dallas Cowboys

We can't even make these. Jerry holds his own license. But in the meantime, you can sign this Change.org petition asking Jerry Jones to allow us to create a Dallas Cowboys Blazer for America's team.

Sign It

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Test the Waters & Shine On

Here's what you all did during 2016...

We'll Keep This Short Since Bright Lights Aren't Your Thing Today...

Thank you for 2016. If it wasn't for you guys, we'd be in a van down by the river hosting soup kitchens with a bunch of hobos.

But because of you, we're not. And for that we thank you. 

Here's a re-cap of what you all did during 2016...
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You wore what was comfortable,
No matter where you were.
Seriously, you all didn't give a hoot about where you were.

@lorynpowell

 

Then, some of you became famous,

and spent your fortune on boats,

@jimboweekend

 

Which forced you to drink generic. 

@ghost_toad

 

Then, you ate enough brauts to line your esophagus

@shay_con

 

so you could snowmobile from Alaska to Russia across the Bering Strait,

@muggsnation

 

to fix our international relations with Putin.
  

@malt355

 

All the while, @thekidmcManus bought Christmas Gifts for his Denver Orange Horses family.
  
And bet @demarcusware that he wouldn't wear the gift during a press conference. He did.

@aqibtalib21

 

Lastly, you guys also won a World Series.

@cubs

 

Thanks again, errbody.  
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S'long 2016 & Shine On

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